I shall not sleep tonight.

Not because I don't want to. In fact, I'm really quite tired tonight. But there's a funeral next door. Yes, that's right. A funeral. Next door. All night. Why would that keep you awake, you might ask.

Well, here's why.

In these parts, a funeral starts at about 9pm. A funeral consists of a gathering of about 200 - 300 of your relatives and friends, together with a veritable forest of plastic lawn chairs, the biggest loudspeakers and generator you can find, and a DJ to holler "hallelujah" into the microphone at periodic intervals. If you're lucky, you might get a live band for part of the night, complete with a cheesy (and yet oh so loud) keyboard and an off-key singer. Once again, punctuated by an awful lot of "hallelujahs".

And you make sure the volume is turned up as high as it can possibly go until about 6:30am. Then, finally, people are allowed to go home and sleep, and your neighbors can also get an hour or two of shut-eye before heading off to the office for a full-day's work. Does this really bring anyone closer to the Lord? Does it really help you celebrate the life of the deceased? Or does it just make your neighbors mad? Do you really want people to remember you for how many days you were kept awake by their funeral? It doesn't even make the missionary neighbors feel like Christians when they are awake at 4am, listening to "Hallelujah" in the middle of the East African pop/dance music. It does not turn my thoughts towards God - have they not read that Psalm that says, "He gives his beloved SLEEP"?!

It wouldn't be so bad except that I have to admit, the music they play is really not to my taste. It's normally this horrible East African pop, played on a keyboard with an off-key singer. Honestly, it's TERRIBLE. And it's right next to my house tonight (and probably tomorrow night, as well). And remember, I live in a brick tent. No windows to close here, folks. I'm really dreading having to hear this at 3am.

Please, if I pre-decease any of you, dear readers, make sure my funeral doesn't go overnight. I'm really not into this whole overnight singing thing. Just bury me quietly. Since I'm a bit of a night-owl, ya'll can hang out at Starbucks until closing or something. Just don't disturb the neighbors as you celebrate what a wonderful person I am, ok?!